The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
