remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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