I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
