Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
