Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
