I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
