I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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