did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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