True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
