Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
