Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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