his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
