It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
