I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
