y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i love accidental penises.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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