I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My penis needs a shock collar
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
