Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
