Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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