I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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