the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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