The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The feeling are messing with the penis
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize