I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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