She's JV to your varsity
I could have mohawked her pubes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
