I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
