Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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