I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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