Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
