Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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