If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
