Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket

(212): View more from New York

Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......

(212): View more from New York

Really

(941): View more from Florida

You win

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(248): View more from Michigan

I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.

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(440): View more from Ohio

if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life

(619): View more from California

with a huge shlong

(440): View more from Ohio

massive. i wanna make bitches cry

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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.

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(512): View more from Texas

We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth

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(760): View more from California

I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress

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