omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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