I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
