I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
