yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
