it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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