You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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