I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
