So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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