I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
