You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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