id be glad to
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
