I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
