well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
