Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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