Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
