Yo dont text me then not text me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
