I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sarcasm needs its own font
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
