Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
