Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He? As in you personified your dick?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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