Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
