I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
