White coat. Heels.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
