i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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