Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
