Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
