there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
