I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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