Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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