Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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