Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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