Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
