Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
