This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
