Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
