she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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