I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was CRYING into my vagina
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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