i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize