you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
