Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
