I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
