Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
