yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize