i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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