There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
