i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
