Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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